Thoughts of A Female

This blog is my area of freedom .. it is where i can express everything i feel without worrying who will judge me or shall i judge myself. Here, i can say everything i cant say in the real world because people always misunderstandable.

I feel something strange inside me, i dont know what is it exactly. I wanna fall in love and i dont, i wanna get my phd and i dont want, i wanna stay at my current job and i dont want. There is an inner conflict within my soul and mind. Sometimes they agree and sometimes they dont. I feel like screaming while i am standing on the top of a hill ...! there is something strange going on inside me ..

Yesterday, i wanna be with people but now i am not feeling the same , i dont want to stay even with my family ..!! Let me talk about someone may be he is special to me its just that i am not sure yet ! i've known this guy for couple of months before my vacation out of my country. he is adorable,loveable and funny plus he is a good looking guy. Girls may envy me but dont be girls cuz i am unhappy with him, or may be i am .. i dont know !!! he went this weekend away with his friends, am i jealous? NO do i miss him? YES .. he didnt call me last night, it was just sms .. negative thoughts going on my mind o madry laish !!! he is in touch with me and he never bothered me even in a word ..!

sometimes i feel that there is something wrong going inside me, sometimes i feel that i am mentally wrong ! i've been through alot with guys .. alot alot no one can ever feel or even know even my best friend (D) who i never hide anything from her ... i really dont know what's going on with me, i wanna live a happy life with a guy who loves me and i love him .. i wanna be a giver like before, i feel this makes me the happiest person on earth but what's going on inside me is somehow destroying this !!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh .. i dont know what to say more seriously

7ada wai3 my day at work .. as usual mako shegel o ely ma3ay 7ad elmalaga ay shay ya3ny. Most of them just arrived o u know sowalef et3arfoon ely yam'36oon elkalam '3asab ya3ny e7na na3meen :P .. ana ebsara7a madry lail7een laish wathefoony eb halshareka !! staying here like 8 hours doing nothing kills me wallah, at3ab akthar men lama ashtegel. Bas akthar shay emhawen 3alay (HIM) .. just thinking about him makes me smile and makes my day at work better, 3ad chan zain yetem san3 ma ye6la3 3awy like the others wallah ana 5ayfa a7sed nafsy eb nafsy .. men kether ma ana 5ayfa eny agool 7ag a7ad 3an my guy even my best friend (D) ma kent bagoolaha bas at the end i told her cuz she is my soulmate who really understands me o ely sej et3adelny etha sert 3ooya :P .. mako a7ad kether ha ya naas fahemny .. o inshalla inshalla ely 3endy yekoon fahemny ba3ad wala the zeft days at work will be back :P

When I Look into your eyes ..
I wonder, am I dreaming or its for real?
I wonder, am I smiling or not?
I wonder, R You real or You are just a Ghost of my Imagination?
And when I find the answer of such wonders ...

I find that you are Reality
I find that not only I smile but also my heart smiles too
Overall, I found You in a world fall of hatered .. fall of tears .. fall of broken hearts
You made me rethink now .. R u real? or i am forcing myself to live a dream?

WoOoW .. finally my dream came true and i went to the states .. yeah it was a dream ... adry ena some people went there waied o its not a hard dream bas it was for me :) .. i really had fun waied waied waied waied not only because i went to a place i wish to go one day, but also because i found him :). I had really a good experience bas ana maby agool ay shay thany because i believe ena etha u talked about sth u like ra7 ye6eer. All i can say ena I re-believed in good guys. yemken in my previous posts kent disappointed o depressed bas now el7emdellah i am healed :) Thank you (T) and Thank You my best friend (D) ... :)